I just wanted a gallon of milk…

Do you have a favorite pair of jeans?

Are today’s kids as tied to their jeans as I was when I was younger? It’s not even a matter of finding the perfect pair with just the right rise, and tight enough to fit nice, without being so tight that they obstruct your breathing. There’s more to it than that. There’s the whole breaking them in thing, where they become so soft they are like a second skin.

When you run your hands down the legs they feel like silk.

I have such a pair. They are faded evenly and by some sartorial miracle, they feel silky soft without the thinning or fraying in the seams. It’s amazing.

They do have a little problem, though. The left pocket has a gigantic hole. It’s pretty deceptive, too, because if I put my hand in the pocket I don’t feel it, but just let me put a set of keys in there and they’re toast.

Too bad I can’t seem to remember that detail…

All I wanted was a gallon of milk. I ran into the grocery store and slipped my phone into my pocket. The left one. The next thing I knew, I was standing in produce, in front of the security cameras, jiggling my left leg while I watched my phone travel down the length of my leg like the unfortunate rat being digested by a boa constrictor.

I guess I gave a show to the security personnel. You know I was super cool about it. I mean, I can be very subtle while standing in front of the honeydew shaking my leg. It was the bend and snap when I had to retrieve it that gave me away.

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