how to write a book in 5 easy steps

journal1. Come up with a great idea. Congratulate yourself on your brilliance.

2. Write a fantastic first page. Show everybody who loves you. Especially show your mother. Congratulate yourself on your brilliance.

3. Show your work to that friend. You know, the one who has no qualms about telling you when you’re full of shit.

4.Go back to the page and do better. Congratulate yourself on picking your friends well.

5. Write. Write some more. Write again. Forget to do laundry. Eat take out. Generally abandon everything. Remember* to take a shower.

* Remember to thank all the kind people who encouraged you, especially the people who wondered what happened to all the clean underwear and towels, and the people who read mediocre drafts and said do better, and people who never read a word and said you can do it, and people who bought you mojitos and laughed, and the dog, who thinks you’re brilliant, no matter what.

42 thoughts on “how to write a book in 5 easy steps

  1. What about the ones who listen and then say, “Yeah, I thought of writing a book myself” as though anyone but the geniuses that you (obviously and me (not so obviously) are! And yes, I do know that some people think that genii is the plural of genius but I prefer the English translation of the Latin to the Latin plural.
    Lovely humourous piece, and like all good humour has its basis in fact. Keep it up.

  2. Ha ha ha …I like 5. . Write. Write some more. Write again. Forget to do laundry. Eat take out. Generally abandon everything. Remember* to take a shower.

    That’s the only way how to write your book and get it published. I published mine last year. Cheers 🙂 Irina

  3. I get to ignore laundry if I’m writing? How come nobody told me this! (off to start my first page and say goodbye to my clean clothes)

  4. number 5 had me laughing – and I have been there a few times ( I wrote 3 books years ago – nothing major – but I really know your list is right on – ha!) anyhow, thanks for this

      1. oh sounds like fun – and whew, recently had a major repair to our HE frontlaoder – and it is not very old – argh! but thankfully it was not out and down for too long (a bearings thing) but you now, it made me REALLY grateful to have modern day washing machines – not like the old days – and I also am grateful to not have to go to a laundry mat – my – guess the old saying “could be worse”can help us fold and put away clothes with more of a pep! 💞✌

  5. There is, I fear, a step missing in my process. #1 is missing. I have too many demons that never congratulate great ideas. Brilliance eludes me, even in my own eyes. But I’ve had exactly two friends as you describe in #3. Both were wonderful and gentle with me. I think both intuitively knew about my problems with #1.

    Oh the lighter side, I’m wondering if I need more mojitos in my life. You know, for writing purposes. And I hope that if I’m ever in the situation of being #3, I remember about the mojitos, big time.

    Congrats on making your deadline. Looking forward to all the good things to come.

  6. Is there a step for going out and finding yourself a brilliant editor, to assure you that you are indeed an equally brilliant writer? Or is she the one who pays for mojitos?

  7. Steps 1, 3, 4 and 5, check. Shoved it in a drawer, where it has sat for 4 1/2 years. Today is the day, 2015 is the year, that I pull it out of that drawer and repeat step 5 until it is polished and ready for press. My family knows that they will be washing their own stinkin’ underwear.

Hi! Wanna say something? Go ahead. Be nice.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s