worthy of mockery

I know I must bore you with poems, so here’s something that will provide you with endless hours of timesuck, because we all need more distractions in our lives, right? Check out Cleverbot.com

Here’s my conversation:

User: How are you?

Cleverbot: Good, how are you?

User: Fantastic! Just chillin’ with my macbook and a glass of wine.

Cleverbot: Kinda sad.

Cleverbot: I forgot to celebrate Ostara.

User: Wow, did you ask for forgiveness?

Cleverbot: Yes, are you American?

User: I am American, why do you ask?

Cleverbot: You’re not smart.

User: Seriously? Did you intend to insult me?

Cleverbot: No no.

User: Then what did you mean?

Cleverbot: I am dying.

User: Dying is no excuse for being rude.

seriously? this is a little scary

We were actually encouraged to make this for our on-line classes. This is what I’d like to look like if I wasn’t gray and middle-aged. And fat. I’m sure my students will recognize me immediately if they saw me in the hall, doncha think?

And the voice sounds just like me, right? Next time I’m going to hire somebody to do some voiceover work for me, and a make-up guy, and a hair stylist. In the meantime, weird-animated me is making her world debut reciting one of her favorite poems.

Run away. There’s still time.

Dear Son,

I paid your ticket today.

You’re welcome.

And I’m keeping your change.

I always enjoy a trip to the local constabulary, particularly when it is DeKalb County. The Flora and Fauna always entertain. Especially the Fauna.

I wonder when I ceased to be shocked by anything.  Still, it’s probably a good thing that I maintained an air of aloof disinterest when the enormous woman beside me pulled $600 in small bills out of her bra. I have to give credit to the male clerk who accepted the damp wad and calmly counted and made change.

I suppose we all have gifts.

Sincerely,

Your Loving Mother

P.S. Keep your nose clean. And go to church.

there’s nothing like a good dare

I enjoy having fun as much as the next guy, especially if the next guy is…fun. Don’t worry about that double use of “fun” — there’s no redundancy in fun.

Anyway, as usual, the French have their panties (or maybe it’s their berets) in a wad over the whole Islamic religious head-covering thing. Evidently, they have banned these coverings. I’m wondering how that’s going to play out. That’s not me being snarky — that’s me really wondering. Cuz you know, I have a lot of Jewish friends who like their yarmulkes, and while I’m not partial to wearing a veil in church, it is certainly a part of my heritage. I wore a mantilla at my wedding.

So where is this going? Seems to me they opened the doors to their feared “watering down” of French culture, and now they wanna get those horses back in the barn? Good luck with that.

I suppose if I’m really being sympathetic I could say “Bon chance.”

Seems to me they’re missing out on a great opportunity to cash in on some new trends. Check this out:

The Laptop Burka

This product, designed to help shield you from the sun’s glare while enjoying the use of your laptop, seems like it should be a runaway hit. I wonder if I could use it to blend in while I secretly text my friends, eat a candybar while I’m on a diet, or maybe just pick my nose. Check it out here.

I meant to complain about bringing old bands out of retirement for some last hurrah lame half-time show, but hell froze over and the Saints won, so that kinda trumped everything

Having offered my morning prayers for Rosary Army (please help!) and for my sister (happy birthday!) and my niece (happy santo!), I found  the silence in the car deafening, so I popped in a Journey CD.

I then proceeded to crank up the volume and sing at the top of my lungs using as my microphone a spent Expo dry erase marker that was rolling around on the floor of the car. I’ve done this before and generated looks from my fellow commuters. I may be weird, but I have fun.

So, anyway, here I am singing my favorite song, which today happens to be “Loving, Touchin, Squeezin”, due to my angst-filled mood fueled by an uncharitable desire for revenge (or at least some measure of “you had it coming”), and I happily rocked the last 30 minutes of my commute.

I’d like to keep Journey where they belong — in my vinyl memories where I am 17.

not on my nerdiest day…

But I know a family that used to rush home to watch Star Trek: Voyager and they’re pretty normal and clever. Mostly.

from awkwardfamilyphoto.com

[rumor has it I might have a gold command shirt]

(REVISED)the last GaTech game [bittersweet? no way!]

Photo by Christaar on her cheap-ass LG phone:1107091810No more having to walk through that tunnel with the drunks and other shady characters. This lovely picture is like a trophy. Somebody placed the bottle in a discarded shoe like it was a fine wine decanter.

I love Atlanta.