Author: Maria Johnson
a mature palate…[doesn’t that sound sophisticated?]
When I was a kid one of my favorite books was Harriet the Spy. I first read it in the fourth grade, and I think that my love of people watching was greatly influenced by Harriet and her penchant for spying on people and keeping a notebook with her observations.
A little itty bitty part of me started blogging to do just that. 😉
Another thing that I picked up from good ole Harriet is a love of tomato sandwiches. Weird, I know, but oh so tasty! When I was a kid I would lather plenty of mayonaise on a couple of slices of Wonder bread, slice a tomato over it, and mash it together into a delicious mushy mess of goodness.
I hate to say that it’s been years since I ate a tomato sandwich, and I can’t really come up with a reason for not having eaten one. I guess I found more interesting things to do with tomatoes.
Until today.
I came home from work with the hungries and stood in front of the open refrigerator door contemplating cottage cheese, yogurt, and leftover pot roast. Then I spied a red, juicy tomato. Jackpot. Only, this wasn’t Harriet’s 11 year old-style sandwich. Oh no. I used a multigrain wheat bread with a light tangy mayo, and sprinkled garlic salt and parsley over the tomatoes before carefully placing a second slice of bread on top and…mashing it together into a delicious mushy mess of goodness.
Heaven.
by popular demand
Here’s my get up from this morning’s Facebook status,
I look ridiculous today. I am wearing red track warmups leftover from when Jonathan was younger and running cross country. Pink crocs left behind by Vicky. Christy’s long-sleeved lacrosse shirt (warm!) and a powder blue fluffy bathrobe. Did I mention it’s cold outside? I didn’t? Well, there won’t be any pictures posted.
There’s more to the story, at least what I’m going to post about. You see, this get up, while a mess, and thank you Lisa Hendey, aka, CatholicMom, I will not be going to Walmart to end up on the People of Walmart website (I guess it’s really moot since I’ve posted the picture), as I was saying, this get up is comprised of leftovers by my children. Actually, the bathrobe is mine, and nice-looking as well as warm and utilitarian, and the socks are a bonus in the ridiculous meter. I bought them in the Outer Banks years ago. They have sand dollars all over them. But the rest of the stuff is left-overs.
Let me explain why that tickles me. You see, when I was a teenager I worked in a bank on school breaks. My mother’s employer, C & S Bank, would hire the children of their employees during the breaks. I enjoyed a rather nice job, and got to meet a lot of interesting and weird people. One of those people, a nice lady we’ll call “Wanda” because it rhymes with her real name, had two teenage daughters that went to school with me. One was pretty normal, but the other was a shallow clothes horse. She ended up being fairly normal, but at that time was consumed by wearing the latest fashions. In 1978, that was pretty horrendous stuff.
Let me share with you some of the highlights of that time.
Wanda would go to work in her daughter’s fashion discards. At least I stayed inside all day.
I love words and I love clever people
The following made its way into my inbox, once again foiling inbox zero, but I forgive the intrusion because it amused me. I just picked my top ten.
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
The Washington Post’s Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this year’s winners:
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.
And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
FAIL! Ha!
poor kids…
sometimes you can rectify a wrong…if only by calling attention to it…
President Obama may have won the Nobel Peace Prize for perception, but there’s a candidate in that group that put his money where his mouth is, and today could have really used the million to not only give hope, but bring real change.
Check out Greg Mortenson. He has a fascinating story to tell, and is bringing peace to the world one child at a time. Isn’t that what we are called to do? Love and charity. Astounding, the power in that action.
He didn’t get the Nobel, but as far as I’m concerned, he is far more Noble. I encourage you to look at this man’s life work, and consider donating to his cause, Pennies for Peace. It’s a clever idea. Educate girls. Empower them with knowledge and skills. Teach them to raise boys that aren’t savages and respect women. Clever.
Congratulations, Achi! we are so proud!
We are so proud of Achi for winning the Nobel Prize in Literature. It is quite an accomplishment that, while not given for a specific work of magnificence, recognizes that for so many years, he has incessantly talked about writing his magnum opus. He especially gets credit for all those phone calls to his sister-in-law to just “pass some ideas past her” so that he maintains a good handle on the creative process.
Congratulations Achi. What will you do with the money? I hope you remember the minions who put you there. I mean, you are truly an inspiration to me. You know what they say, from little mighty acorns mighty little oaks grow.
guess who has the swine! ha ha not me!
Poor Christi. 😦
Feel better!
it’s October! Merry Christmas!
I know, it’s not Halloween yet and I haven’t had my fill of candy corn and bite-sized Snickers. I just thought I’d get into the retail mood. 🙂
Does this annoy you as much as it annoys me? Just wondering.
“simplicate and add lightness”
Today I sat outside in the cool breeze and warm sun and drank a Dr. Pepper.
It was a tasty treat in the middle of the day — an indulgence since I’ve pretty much given up eating garbage. Whatever, I needed the break. I’ve done quite a bit at work in the past two days, and accomplished very little, so the break before yet another meeting was welcomed.
Among other things, we are moving toward social media at work. That makes me laugh a little. Okay, it makes me laugh a lot. I’m game; it’s gonna be a helluva experiment.
Anyway, I was checking my own social media stuff and ran across a status update by my cousin Ian, the rocket scientist. By the way, I love to say my cousin the rocket scientist. It makes the Trekkie side of me oh-so-joyful. But I digress….
The point is, Ian posted, “simplicate and add lightness.” Now, I know that has to do with design and making stuff go faster. It totally makes sense that he would use that well-known phrase, but the longer I looked at it, the more I admired its … simplicity… and lightness.
Isn’t that beautiful?
I’ve been trying to simplify for years. It’s a challenge, for sure. Clutter seems to be the natural order of the world today. The more I move to a paperless office, the more piles of crap that pop up. Clearly, I missed the memo on effective de-cluttering. I probably printed it and placed it in a pile somewhere.
Anyway. Simplicity and lightness. I like it. With apologies to Stout, I think his charge has greater application to slowing down. It certainly gave me pause.
another cup of coffee 